He Is Not Withholding
I didn’t choose my over-analytical mind, but I’ve learned to cope with the way my brain processes. I push the thoughts away that say, “It’ll never happen for us” or “you’re just going to have to be okay with the fact that it’s going to take years before you conceive and in turn y'all are going to be old parents”. I know these thoughts are over-dramatic. I’m aware that we’re only 27 and 30 years old (or “Young” as people say). I’m also aware that we haven’t even been trying to conceive long enough to justify these fears, but it doesn’t change the fact that the thoughts have crossed my mind. I try to stop them in their tracks, but sometimes it also helps to just acknowledge, in writing, that the fears have been there.
How does it feel when someone who has never experienced whatever struggle you’re going through says, “It’ll be okay” verses someone who is either right there in the thick of it as well or has been through something similar says the exact same phrase? To me, it is night and day. It’s encouraging to hear other’s experiences that can somewhat relate to mine. These hardships give us the opportunity to either isolate or truly dive into authentic community.
We live in a world where social media portrays everyone as always happy or getting exactly what they want, especially when it comes to marriage and babies (if you are desiring either of those things and have yet to have them yourself). We all know social media does not really portray real life, but I think that’s all the more reason to talk about our struggles and what’s really going on too...
Things Someone Trying To Conceive Doesn’t Need You to Say:
“You know, the more you think about it, the less likely it is to happen.” “You’re just trying to control it too much, give it to God.” “Are you pregnant yet?” “It’ll be okay, it’s normal for it to take multiple months to conceive.” “We got pregnant on the first month trying.” “You really shouldn’t worry unless you’ve been a whole year without conceiving.” “Are you stressed? That’s why you haven’t been able to get pregnant.” “Just stop trying, that’s when it happened for me.” “No one in our family has ever had any problems getting pregnant when they were trying.”
I know everyone who has said these things means well. What else are you suppose to say when someone expresses they’re trying to get pregnant and have not had success yet? Some of the phrases above really don’t upset me persoanlly, so if you've said any of them please know I am not upset with you. I will admit though, anything along the lines of, “Just don’t stress and stop thinking about it…” does tend to frustrate me. I don’t feel stressed; honestly I’ve felt less stressed the past few months than I have felt in a few years. I obviously have a desire to be pregnant, does that mean I’m “Thinking about it too much?” For those who can just stop thinking about something they desire and not worry at all, I envy you.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” –Romans 12:12
Just this past week the Lord helped me recall multiple times in my life where His timing was different than mine, yet it was always better. He’s asking me to trust His timing in this season, and because I know He is good and not withholding, I do trust Him. It doesn’t necessarily take away the angst every month around the time I could find out that I’m pregnant, but I do trust Him.
“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” –Psalm 84:11
I think the thing I’m struggling with most is that earlier this year I didn’t want to start expanding our family yet. I wanted to wait at least another year before we even started thinking about it, but Justin really desired to start having kids. So I came before the Lord and asked Him for unity between us, thinking He would change Justin’s heart, yet surprisingly He changed mine. I realized I wanted to push off having kids out of fear of not being able to handle them well, along with everything else I desire to do in life. I was worried about how to manage more things to clean, fold, cook and do. Despite those fears, the Lord asked me to enter into the next season of life and trust Him. He has always been and will always be my strength. So now I have opened my hands and my heart to being a mom and He has asked me to wait, maybe for a short season and maybe for a longer one, and either way He is still good. Ultimately, He has me in a place of dependence on Him, which is probably the core of what He was seeking from me in the first place.
“For the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” –Isaiah 55:9
I don’t often understand the mind of God, but if I did, He wouldn’t be God, so I will continue to wait and choose to trust His will.
“All too often we grow comfortable in a life that we see, touch, and manage on our smart phones. But Jesus said, ‘Unless you…become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven’ (Matthew 18:3). A child lives in constant wonder and faith in the unimaginable.” –Max Lucado
May we never grow too comfortable as we live in wonder and faith of what our God can do.
