There Is Freedom In Forgiveness
Why is forgiveness so difficult? Maybe it comes more naturally for you, and perhaps it depends a lot on the situation, but in general, I really struggle to forgive. I always think about Matthew 18:21-22 when I want to hold a grudge, which says, "Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
These verses are followed by a parable that goes on to tell about a man who was forgiven his debt, yet did not forgive his debtor. I am so often this person, more than less because I feel hurt and/or angry, but praise the Lord that He doesn't let me stay in the unforgiveness too long.
Later, verse 33 says, "Should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?"
Ugh, I say all this from a state of unforgiveness in my heart this morning. I am begging the Lord to help me forgive and navigate my next steps, but I am struggling. I hate my own sin of not being able to let things go, but as I was praying earlier I was reminder that without this grievous sin in my heart, I wouldn't be motived to sit before the Lord. I desperately need Him to intercede.
Though I cannot see or feel it, He is in the midst of softening my heart. I know the Lord has not left me to sit in this bitterness and He will finish the work He began in me, but that doesn't mean life isn't going to be arduous. That doesn't mean I don't have to fight the enemy who whispers all the reasons why I am justified in my anger. That doesn't mean everything in this life is simply going to work itself out and be back to normal, but our hope should not be in our circumstances (or relationships) getting better. Sure, we can believe and pray for that, because we serve a good God who cares about reconciliation, but our ultimate hope should be in this:
Our life is not our own, this earth is not our home, and if we choose to humble ourselves at the cross, we will grow more and more like the son of God. He gave His life up so we could walk in the freedom of forgiveness. I emphasize the word choose because this will not come naturally. We have to fight for the better thing. Our hope is in the fact that if we are in Christ, our identity lies in Him (not our circumstances or what people think of us).
I remember this specific day in middle school when my cheerleading team was doing a fundraiser outside Walmart. A couple of the girls and I got a good laugh out of what a couple people were wearing as they entered/exited the store. I don't think we meant anything by it, and I didn't think any of these people heard us laughing at them, but apparently I was wrong. Though I can't remember much about that day, I remember one of my friends making-fun of an older man, out-loud, for his mix-matched clothes. I laughed along with her comment and honestly may have even shouted something out myself, again not really thinking much about it.
Towards the end of the fundraiser, we were told that we were not allowed to be outside the store anymore because there was a complaint about us being disrespectful to the customers. Our coaches were furious and asked all of us who was being rude and no one said anything. I truly don't remember the whole situation, but what I do remember is the first time I genuinely had to ask for forgiveness (not just for hitting my brother or something small, but for what felt like the most embarrassing thing as a 13 year old girl).
I ended up telling my mom when she came to pick me up that I think I might have been one of the people the customer complained about. Next thing I know she is marching me into the store and making me talk to a manager. Through horrific tears and embarrassment, I told the store manager I was sorry for my disrespect. I don't remember what her response was, but I find humor in that as I reflect back because when we apologize, it's not about the other person's response, it's about doing what we know is right in our heart. The only other thing I remember thinking that day is that I wasn't the only or even the main one who made the rude comments, I was just going along with the jokes. I was mad that no one else's mom made them apologize to the store manager, let alone that I was the only one who confessed. I never found out what the actual complaint was, so it might not have been anything to do with me, but that day I learned a vital lesson in forgiveness. Though I'm sure I should be further along in this than I am, the Lord has been (trying) to teach me what humility looks like since that day.
Forgiveness is about showing mercy, as we are shown mercy from God every day. Forgiveness shows Christ in a way that says He is greater than I. Forgiveness isn't always fair, yet we are still called to forgive no matter what. Forgiveness is less about the person you are forgiving and more about releasing yourself from the situation. Forgiveness is about walking in freedom.
Forgiveness is not about the other person saying sorry. Forgiveness is not about putting yourself back in a situation to get hurt again. Forgiveness is not always a one and done situation either (sometimes we have to ask God for forgiveness over the same thing, multiple times, as bitterness and anger seep back in).
In the end, forgiveness is worth it, but it is not often easy.
Lord, help me to give you my heart and my hurt. Help me to trust you to do what only you can do with it. Forgive me for my bitterness and even the ways I justify my sin of unforgiveness. Give me discernment to know how to walk in your ways. Release me from fear of man and help me to be confident in whatever you lead me into and out of in this life. Help me to believe that you are the God of healing, even when I can't see or feel the healing taking place. Help me to trust you more than I trust myself to figure it out. Help me to forgive. Amen.
