New Beginnings In The New Year

I’ve been waiting for the day I got to write this post. I knew it would come (I just didn’t know when or how). If you don’t know, I was laid off from my job back on October 1, 2019… And then this past week, on December 9, 2019, I received an email from another job I accepted, which included, “Welcome to the team!” What a relief that was to read.

The reason I’ve been waiting to write this post is because I knew it was going to be the Lord and the Lord alone who would provide. Not only that, but the way all of this came to fruition brags on Him even more than I thought it would.

You see, like most who have experienced a job loss (this was my first), I went through a series of emotions. Initially, I actually felt relief and release (I’m sure panic might be some people’s first response depending on their job situation). I had already been feeling a slight call somewhere else about a month and a half before I received the news, but being comfortable where I was and not knowing where that call was to, I suppressed it. I believe the layoff was God’s way of forcing me into my next step because I wasn’t willing to take that step myself (yet). Not only that, but for months previously I had been feeling a little stagnant in my faith. I remember a specific time during worship one day where I asked God to help my words connect with my feelings. Though the Christian faith is not based on feelings, I was longing for that connection with God again. I knew in that request, in order to build my faith, something was going to have to happen to make me rely on Him in a way I wasn’t necessarily having to in that moment. That scared me, but I knew whatever was around the corner, it was going to be for my good and for His glory.

So again, when I received the news that I was losing my job, I wasn’t surprised. I had actually already told a couple friends that I suspected the layoff coming (due to other circumstances going on where I was). I have to say though, I’m thankful for the severance package I received and just how to the Lord provided through that for bit while the next season unfolded.

Once I got home, panic started to set in a little… I hadn’t touched my resume in a couple years. Where do I start looking? What else is out there that will meet our needs financially and emotionally? Note: I was 8 weeks postpartum at that time. The job I had was super flexible about working from home and I knew that was rare for what I was doing. But, I also knew deep down the layoff was a gift in that God was providing me more, much needed, intentional time with my baby girl, and I am beyond grateful for it.

Now, let's fast-forward to about a month later. I had found, applied, and interviewed for the PERFECT job. It was remote, working in vocational ministry, and within my skill set (event planning, overseeing a database, and connecting people). Should I add that it opened up only two days after my layoff? As I was waiting to hear back, I was spending some time with the Lord in the middle of the night (because I couldn’t sleep). Though I almost never do this, I looked up the verse of the day and decided to read the entire chapter, which was Isiah 64. Now, I strongly believe scripture is about God first and foremost and that we need to be careful not to pull it out of context to make it about ourselves and current circumstances. Beth Moore has said it like this, “All Scripture is for us, but refreshingly all Scripture is not about us.” BUT, God used verses 3-4 in this chapter of Isiah to speak directly to little old me in my closet that night…

“When you did awesome things that we did not look for,

you came down, the mountains quaked at your presence.

From of old no one has heard

or perceived by the ear,

no eye has seen a God besides you,

who acts for those who wait for him.”

What was He telling me through this? First, that He was going to do something awesome and I wasn’t going to have to go searching for it… Like what? "A job isn’t just going to drop in my lap, God…" To which I then knew somehow, through some connection or something, it was. This also meant I wasn’t going to receive the offer from that perfect job I was waiting to hear back from and I wasn’t sure what else could top it. But even in that moment of doubt, God told me not only was I not going to get what I thought was that perfect job, but that what He was going to provide would be better. “Better?” I questioned… “Better,” the Spirit inside me resolved.

*Disclaimer: I’ve never heard God speak to me audibly, nor do I believe He speaks to us audibly these days (post Jesus resurrection), though I know He could. I say this because I don’t want any of my readers questioning why God doesn’t speak to them the way He does me. He speaks to His people ALL THE TIME. The question is, are we placing ourselves in a situation to receive what He is saying or not? I know I’m often not listening, but this night, I was.

Anyways, the second thing He told me through these verses is that He acts for those who wait for him and I was to just to keep waiting.

I’m pretty firm on believing that we should do all that we can as though the outcome relies on our efforts, and at the same time we should pray as though everything lies in the fate of prayer. So not doing anything (besides continuing to pray of course) was a real challenge for me. I have to say though, He had already been pressing the word, “Wait” on my heart before I read these verses (not only that, He kept bringing me confirmation through multiple God-fearing friends who would tell me they believe God was calling me to wait). Of course in my flesh, I continued to doubt that this was really God’s word to me.

My prayer would go something like this, “God, I really do believe this is you telling me to wait, but I’m struggling because I can’t see how waiting is supposed to fix this circumstance (you know He wasn’t concerned about my circumstance). I have a mortgage and bills that my husband’s income alone cannot sustain. I have a baby girl who needs provision. Christmas is also around the corner (again, like He didn't already know all these things)... If this is really You asking me to wait, I will wait, but I need to know without a shadow of a doubt this is You and not just something I am sensing on my own accord.” There was even a day I told God we would sell the house if we needed to (not that He couldn’t take the house regardless), but I know He just wanted the position of my heart to be open… He was challenging me to release my grip on the things I thought were most important to remind me that He is most important.

Without a shadow of a doubt, the confirmation I was asking for came through Isiah 64:3-4 that night and I finally decided to listen… Until my flesh started waging war with my Spirit again not even a week later.

Just a few days after that night He spoke to me through this chapter in Isiah, I got the dreaded call from that perfect job informing me that they hired internally and basically, thanks for applying but no thanks. I might have shed a few disappointed tears, but at the same time, I knew that "No" was coming. So I kept waiting.

The following Monday (a few more days later) was my lowest of lows. I woke up feeling the weight of the world: down, depressed, angry, and confused. I got my laptop out and applied for about 10 jobs that day, none of which I really wanted to be honest. Throughout that week, I very slowly, but eventually, started believing the Lord again and resting on the fact that God knows my needs, He is a provider, and all I need to be is faithful in the waiting.

“Be faithful and remember that you do not live on bread alone.” This is actually the exact phrase I kept receiving from God the months leading up to the layoff. I wasn’t sure why I kept receiving that message, but I was determined to remain faithful and remember I cannot live based on what this world provides… That truth was definitely put to the test in my season of unemployment, from trusting, to giving.

When the Lord wants our hearts, He wants ALL of our hearts, not just parts. I immediately wanted to pull back the monthly money we were giving and save, save, save, to which my loving husband reminded me that as long as the Lord was providing my income through my severance, our giving didn’t change. Not only that, but he made a little overtime that first month I was out of work and the Lord challenged us to give off of that as well. Again, my flesh did not want to do this at the time, BUT somewhere deep, deep down, I believed God would provide. Faith, I wanted my faith to build stronger, so I kept telling myself I must continue to walk by faith and not by sight.

So I was still waiting, until another week or so later… I received a message from a lady I used to work with/for back in college. She basically said that she had no idea what I was up to these days, but that they had a management position open and that somehow my name just continued to get brought up. She wanted to know if I was even remotely interested in the job.

Like what?!?! I knew the second I read that message that this is what the Lord was telling me to wait on. Jumping up and down, I calmly responded to the message informing her that I was very interested and we setup an interview for the following Monday. In the process of interviewing for this job, my severance ended, but having this glimmer of hope during that time was such a blessing. On top of that, my husband was out of town for 6 weeks for work, which had been planned for an entire year. God’s timing, and giving me about 3 extra months off, including the time home with our daughter while hubby was away, was amazing.

One other thing I didn’t mention, was that I actually got another job offer in the midst of all of this, but it wasn’t going to meet our needs and even without another job lined up, I knew I was to turn it down. There was no peace for me in that offer. I think God often tests our faith like that. Like, "Are you going to trust or are you going to jump at something that might only satisfy in the moment?"

So, what is this job I accepted?!? It is at an event venue, Circle R Ranch. I will be doing some event sales, client services, and wedding coordinating. I only quit when I worked there back in college because I graduated and got a full-time job somewhere else. I am stoked to go back and now be a part of their management team! The atmosphere is amazing, the people are great, and though I will be working away from home full-time, the hours are reasonable and the time off and holidays are really good. Not only that, but between my hubby, mother-in-law most days, and of course myself on the weekends, our baby girl will still get to stay home full-time. I am beyond grateful.

My hope is that this story encourages you to cling to truth when it seems as though things just won’t work out. In the sleepless nights, run to Him. In the moments you may not understand it all, stay the course. He always has something up His sleeve. God always provides. Not often how we expect and probably not how we initially wanted, but in the end, it is always better. Thank you, Lord.